


The Bird Leaves the Nest

by MaxBetta



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff, Married Couple, sansan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-30 23:43:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13962624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaxBetta/pseuds/MaxBetta





	The Bird Leaves the Nest

It had been over a year since Sansa Clegane had been out of the house for a girls’ night. With two children under age seven, it was difficult for her to pull herself away without feeling guilty, but Sandor insisted that she go tonight. Even though she had planned the night out over two weeks ago, she was still coming to grips with the idea of leaving Sandor alone with their kids for the first time ever.

 

“Now, don’t forget, Little Ned goes to bed at 8pm and then Lyanna can stay up until 9 if she wants. The clean bottles are in the cabinet and the formula is in the pantry, and…”

 

“Sansa, I’ve got this. Go. Have fun. They’re my kids, I’ll be fine.”

 

Sansa nodded in concession, gave him a kiss, and headed out the door. It was 7pm, which meant that it was time to start with Little Ned’s bedtime routine. Sansa, ever the type-A personality, had left a sticky note on the counter:

 

  * Mix formula - give bottle
  * Bath
  * Clean diaper
  * Pajamas



 

The first step was mixing the formula for a bottle. Sandor found the canister of powdered formula in the pantry and set it on the kitchen counter. Then he reached into the cabinet and took out one baby bottle. “Mix...mix...how do I mix it.” He looked through more cabinets and found a blender. “Vitamix...that must be what she uses.” He set up the blender and added the powdered formula and the amount of water indicated on the canister. He then pushed the button labeled “mix.” Instantaneously, a cloud of powder filled the air, causing him to cough. White liquid splattered all over the kitchen counter, the cabinets, the floor, and Sandor’s shirt. “Shit!” He quickly unplugged the blender and heard a small gasp. He spun around to find that Little Lyanna was sitting on a stool at the breakfast bar counter, watching his every move.

 

“When mommy uses the blender, she puts the lid on. It’s less messy that way.”

 

He grumbled, removing his thoroughly soiled shirt. “Thanks.” He tossed the shirt on the floor and went quickly into the bedroom, grabbing a clean shirt and putting it on. He poured what remained of the formula into the bottle, and walked over to little Ned. He scooped him up with one arm and held the bottle to his mouth with the other. He sat them down on the couch and fed him until the bottle was empty, which only took a couple of minutes. “Big appetite just like me. That’s my boy. Let’s get your bath started.”

 

“No, daddy, wait!”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Mommy always burps him after a bottle.”

 

“Oh, that’s right. Come on, pal, let’s get a burp out of ya.” He held Ned so that his little chest was up against Sandor’s massive shoulder. He gave him a few light pats on the back and then heard a wet sounding burp. Within seconds, as the warm wetness seeped into his shirt, he realized that Ned was not burping, but was spitting up instead. The sour-smelling formula was spewing out of Ned’s mouth and onto the couch, the handmade quilt that Sansa’s parents had given them as a wedding gift, the carpeted floor...it was a seemingly never ending eruption of disgusting foul-smelling vomit. Sandor stood up quickly and held Ned upside down by his ankles as he began running for the bathroom, thus leaving a trail of puke through the living room and dining room, past the kitchen and finally into the bathroom. Sandor held Ned upside down over the sink until the gushing stopped. Satisfied that it was over, he held Ned upright once again, hearing a soft giggle. Lyanna was standing in the doorway.

 

“He doesn’t do that when mommy burps him.”

 

Sandor was frustrated but couldn’t possibly lose his temper with her.  How could he? She was standing there so innocently, twirling her bright red hair around one finger, smiling and watching him intently with her big grey eyes.

 

“I suppose I’m just lucky.”  He went into the bedroom, placed little Ned on the bed, and quickly peeled off his soaked shirt and put on a clean one. Then he stripped Ned down to his diaper and headed back into the bathroom to fill the tub for bath time. As the water filled the tub, he looked around the counter and the bathroom cabinet for the baby soap, but couldn’t find any. He eventually settled on his own bottle of Old Spice body wash. He added a few squirts to the water and it bubbled up quickly. Using a bright colored loofah, he washed Ned all over, head to toe. Once he was finished, he lifted Ned out of the tub and wrapped him in a towel, taking him to the changing table in the nursery and strapping him in. He grabbed a clean diaper and unfolded it, then pulled the towel off of Ned. He was positioning the diaper under Ned’s butt when an unexpected stream of urine shot him in the face.

 

“No!  No! It’s in my mouth!  He got it in my mouth!” Sandor began gagging as he ran into the bathroom, splashing his face and rinsing his mouth with water at the sink. He brushed his teeth,  gargled with mouthwash, and removed his third soiled shirt. He decided not to put another one on this time. Little Lyanna was laughing hysterically at the scene that had just taken place.

 

“Let me guess...he doesn’t pee on your mother?”

 

“No, Daddy. Mommy is real smart, she puts something over his wee wee so that it doesn’t make a mess.”

 

Sandor shook his head in exasperation. He went back into the nursery, fastened the diaper to Ned, and dressed him in his pajamas. He said goodnight, kissed him on the forehead, and set him down in the crib.

 

“Alright Lyanna, it’s just you and me now. We have thirty minutes until your bed time...what would you like to do?”

 

Lyanna’s face lit up with a mischievous grin. “Well...mommy and I have a tea party before bed...with cookies and ice cream.”

 

Sandor scooped her up in his arms so that they were face to face. “Is that so?  Because I don’t remember mommy saying anything about that, and I’m not sure that she’d let you have that much sugar before bed.  If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were trying to trick me into giving you sweets.”

 

Lyanna made her best sad face. “I’m sorry daddy.”

 

“Now, now, it’s alright.  Choose one. Cookies or ice cream.”

 

“Cookies!”

 

“Alright, I’ll set it up for us then.” He set Lyanna down and she took off straight to her bedroom. Sandor put the kettle on to boil and got out two mugs and two tea bags. He brewed the tea and got out a plate for the shortbread cookies he found in the pantry. He set the tea and the cookies on the kitchen table and called for Lyanna. She came out of her room wearing a large straw hat, a princess dress up costume, and carrying a feather boa.

 

“Here daddy, put this on. It’s a fancy tea party.”

 

He eyed the boa, looking unsure. “Lyanna...I don’t know if…”

 

“Oh, please daddy!  Pretty please! I’m the princess and you’re not wearing a shirt, so you have to wear something to look fancy.”

 

Sandor huffed in defeat. “Oh, alright.” He wrapped the pink feather boa around his neck.

 

Lyanna immediately grabbed a handful of cookies, then looked at her cup and began to chuckle.

 

“Silly daddy, I don’t drink real tea. Mommy gives me apple juice.”

 

“Oh?  Alright, I’ll get it.” He got up and poured her a small plastic cup of apple juice, then returned to the table.

 

Lyanna spoke up, in an unfamiliar accent. “Oh dear heavens, I simply must buy a new pony. My old pony is too slow. I shall buy a pink one this time.  What do you think, Reginald?”

 

Sandor spit out a bit of his tea. “Am I to be Reginald?” Lyanna nodded enthusiastically. “Okay. Ah, yes. A pink pony is truly the best of ponies.”

 

“Yes, as I always say Reginald, Sundays are for riding pink ponies and eating chocolates.”

 

“Yes, yes...quite.”

 

Soon it was 8pm, time for Lyanna to go to bed. She got herself ready and then met Sandor in her bedroom. He tucked her in and gave her a kiss on the nose, then started to leave.

 

“Wait, daddy. You can’t leave until you’ve told me a story.”

 

“Oh...alright. What story would you like to hear?”

 

“Tell me the one about the bird and the angry dog”

 

Sandor sat at the edge of the bed. “Ah, that one. Okay. Once upon a time there was a beautiful red bird. It was gorgeous, everyone thought so. The bird sang lovely songs, but it was sad, because it was trapped in a cage. One day, an angry looking dog sat by the cage and watched the bird, listening to it sing. By the time her song was over, he wasn’t angry anymore, in fact he wanted to help the bird. So, he used his nose to lift the latch on the cage, and he set the bird free. The bird was afraid of the dog at first, but the fear went away when she realized that he wasn’t going to hurt her. The dog promised that he would protect the bird if she would sing for him, and she agreed. So, the bird spent the rest of her life perched on the dog’s shoulder, singing away, and the dog kept them both safe. The end.”

 

He looked down to see Lyanna’s eyes were shut, and Sandor could tell by her breath that she was already asleep. He left the room, quietly shutting the door behind him, and took a deep breath. He did it. He survived putting two kids to bed on his own. He surveyed the damage...it was awful. Cleaning was the last thing he wanted to do after the night he’d had. Instead, he grabbed a beer from the fridge and sank into his recliner.

 

Just before midnight, Sandor could hear a key going onto the front door. Sansa came in, happy to see Sandor, but then she became aware of the environment they were currently in. There were dirty clothes strewn about, dirty dishes on the table, there was a splatter of something all over in the kitchen, Sandor was shirtless and still wearing a hot pink feather boa, but it was the stench that really hit her.

 

“Why does our house smell like spoiled milk and men’s cologne?”

 

Sandor greeted her with a kiss, then held her in front of him, his hands on her shoulders.

“I don’t know how you do it.  Thank you. Thank you for taking such good care of me and the kids. I...I had no idea.” He wrapped his arms around her, and she sank into his embrace.

 

“You’re welcome. I love you.”

 

“Love you too.”

 

“So...now that you’ve seen how hard it is, does this mean that you’re going to help with the kids more often?”

 

Sandor gently rubbed her back with his hands. “I’m shit at feeding and burping, but if you need a tea party, I’m your man.” Sansa giggled. “Let’s go to bed. I’ll clean up and do the dishes in the morning.”

 

“Sandor Clegane, that may be the sexiest thing you’ve ever said to me.”


End file.
